Friday, August 31, 2007

good news for republicans! [and others]

in a dramatic about face, the state of iowa has offered
with his new-found version of family values.
and in even better news,
the mostly reverend stands ready to oblige:
"i hereby offer a half-price deal on same sex marriages."
[contact me privately, or leave your info in the comments section.]

tour de france flash!!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

public service announcment

everything you wanted to know about bathroom sex*
[but were afraid to ask]
. . .
but don't thank me, thank senator larry "widestance" craig.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

how to beat a dead horse

i am soooo busted.
feel like senator craig, republican from idaho,
except I'M gonna fess up.

"I will say my nights are not without drama and entertainment.
@ about 1:30 am I was sitting at my desk when I realized that eebler-kay*,
our 12 yr old 12 # min pin was sitting behind me.
She began whining and obviously wanted to go "out".
I always carry her out at night so I can survey the night activity in the yard
before I release her into the wild.
We have a lot of coons prowling about.
I observed for several minutes and then set the little dog down,
what I didn't see was the 40# coon frozen under the outside table.
eebler-kay hadn't missed this.
Next to the back door I keep a short handled, diamond shaped hoe.
Dog attacked coon, coon returned fire all hell broke loose.
The fucking hoe was gone, enda-glay decided to put it AWAY.
This was not a good match and the outcome would be worse,
eebler-kay has no fear. She was outsized but not out quicked.
She is incredibly fast and an exceptionally efficient killer.
The coon was big and very pissed.
I was unarmed but would defend that dog to my death.
I also have a limited sense of fear.
Hell I can't even get to the dentist.
Dog grabbed coon, coon missed dog,
I grabbed the bastard by the tail and slammed it into the tree.
Lost my grip and the dog attacked again.
Coon is really pissed now. The dog is yelping in pain.
I am now furious and in kill mode.
I grabbed the sob by the back of the neck and rammed it's head into the tree again.
enda-glay has appeared, In pj top & skivvies.
She grabs eeb-kay and heads for the house.
I am now one on one with a very very angry coon.
In the int-clay Eastwood-way movies, ie Good Bag Ugly,
when ever he spit someone died, I spit.
I beat that fucking son of a bitch to death.
I am so wound up I may never go to bed,
enda-glay is now playing solitaire on the computer, can't sleep.
enda-glay got up because she forgot to take her bike off the car rack,
it was already in the garage. then went to the kitchen for a drink.
We had a heart to heart about removing my weapons.
The little dog is sleeping on her pillow with a sock,
unscathed & unmarked. dreaming about her great adventure.
I have a coon for the trash on Friday.
My wrist and forearm are sore from the beating that coon took.
--oug-day"
[* all names have been changed to protect the identity of, well, someone.]
. . .
well, here's the truth:
there was NO raccoon on the road south of woodward.
i made it up.
i was the raccoon in the story above.
i received this mysterious, anonymous email today.
obviously, someone knows the sordid truth.
MY sordid truth:
i am the min pin slasher.
my m.o.: lure them out into the country, then, well, my friends did it.
i'll admit it.
i hate the little dogs.
i don't know why, i just do. they're so . . . so . . . small!
i want to apologize to all the kids, and grown-up triathletes,
who have considered me a role model.
my actions have been immature.
i guess i need to grow up.

r.i.p.

some people have a profound effect as the stroll through life.
this guy was a biggie.
dust off the ramones, kiddies,
it's time to spin some platters.
UPDATE: for more, check here.

more with the bike polo

i'll do ya a favor, and give you the direct link
to a nice, to-the-point article in urbanvelo.org about
your new, favorite sport.
the magazine itself is pretty cool.
mess with your browser from the above link,
or go to the urbanvelo.org site directly.
it's pretty unwieldly; try the pdf form, i suppose,
or go to the table of contents, and alter the address yourself.
but there are instructions how to build your own mallet.
be creative.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

further proof that helmets cause stupidity

raw data from a soon-to-be-released study showing the relationship between helmet use and two-wheeled idiocy.
cringe, and enjoy.

Monday, August 27, 2007

off-season hi-jinks

mark my word, kiddies,
you'll be playing & loving this sport sooner than
the u.s. sees another president bush!
i recently mentioned doing this with the women this fall.
. . . . . improving your bike handling skills on the grass at low speed,
and carry a big stick, too.
. . . . .

you can wear matching kits, too, and have real games.

. . . . .

you'll want to watch this.

more information and polo porn:

american association site

collection of sites and photos, not all working

a bit of bike polo history

"The
only source on the web owned by

a three-time winner of the World Championship"

league-forming information will follow in this space.

look for the return of the dead bikemen polo jersey.

this is gonna be bigger than roller derby!!

a final comment?

a brief, terse reply, pete--
if you wish to talk about "selfish," ask those who scattered in your wake at the rainy april road race as you wound up your sprint. ask those who had to leap out of your way as you bulldogged your way around the last corner in iowa city. i could go on. road cycling is a sport of strength AND finesse, and not just brawn and brute force. i intend to address the tt bars issue the next time i ride a tuesday night. i am out of town tomorrow, so it will be the following week. i will address with my typical humor and aplomb the need for folks to maintain focus and attention to the task at hand while riding at speed with 50 to 60 other cyclists, and the need to be able to make prudent and safe manouvers in a split second. i would also hope that, as their friend, YOU would have told them ahead of time NOT to ride in their aeros. there are many things that are learned with time and experience. judgment is one of those. in the meantime, an air of deferrence is helpful. and when i smash my head on the pavement, you hereby have my permission to sit it out.
--the mostly reverend
. . . . .
jesus. i am really happy that so many folks are sitting around worrying about my inevitable demise. seriously, folks, i HAVE been riding for over 50 years. you think i haven't had more than my share of close calls and near hits? of course, i have.
do you think that with these "oversized brains" of mine that i haven't thought about those circumstances?
or that i haven't thought--EVERY time i ride my bike--about chris, harold, block, sherry, and all my other dead friends, PLUS all the dead strangers whose funerals i've attended over the last few years?
do you REALLY THINK that when i talk about the profound effect these funeral rides have had on me, that i'm just talking bullshit, for effect?
do you think that i don't think about my grandchildren?
do you think that i don't consider this and more as i teach my granddaughter to ride her bike?
do you think that i don't think about my daughter and son-in-law?
do you think that it doesn't occur to me--EVERY TIME I RIDE MY BIKE--that this could just be my last ride?
well, i do.
and still, i ride as i do.
respect that. i don't ask that you understand it.
. . . . .
so i appreciate your concern.
but the likelihood of your friends causing a crash on a tuesday night ride
is MUCH greater than the chances of me causing a crash
because i'm bare-headed.
tell them to stop looking at my head,
and to watch the wheel in front of them.
. . . . .
from lou's blog:
Kim, I have a few issues with your remarks, and none of them have anything to do with the "squirrely" comment. First of all, I can't believe we're getting safety lessons from a guy who doesn't wear a helmet. Yea, yea, spare your speech regarding, "my not wearing a helmet doesn't cause any wrecks". Bottomline is...is very selfish to the others that have to scoop your oversized brains up when your melon splats all over the pavement. You want to ride without a helmet then do it on a ride when your by yourself. The raccoon may not care but WE do. I'm 100% with Mable on this one. I'm sure that infringes on your "rights" but I don't want to live with the image of your hairy lid squashed all over the pavement as I'm holding it together waiting for the ambulance. No thanks! Besides, with all the recent cyclists being hit, and you being the self-proclaimed intellect that you say you are, one would think you're smart enough to figure it out.Secondly, aren't you the guy, only months ago, that was writing emails saying the TNWCS ride needed to be more of a training ride? Weren't you the one that said we should be waiting up for others so as to not discourage them from riding. I respect that your trying to put the rules out there for everyone to abide by, I've learned some things this year by listening, but we don't need to turn this thing ugly causing people to not show up. As someone who understands the differnt ways to delivery of a message you do a poor job of it during the rides. Take a more democratic approach, single the guy out and privately talk to him as not to put him on display for ridicule. I've always respected the guys who do that more than the loud mouths that bark out orders like they've never made a mistake in the peloton. These TRI guys are my GOOD friends and I don't want them to be discouraged in anyway to ride with us or to feel any tension when they show up. Besides, a little rubbing int he peloton isn't all bad, it definitely happens in the races. Rubbin' is racin'.Third, can you please not drag the "TT" comments into every single email on TeamEMU for the next month. You tend to grab ahold of something and wear it out; ie raccoon and now the TT bars.Good luck today at the State Crits, see you there.

it isn't exactly the "drawing board"

but the barrel george w. bush has used--for decades--to supply his various administration positions with lackeys and flunkies shows no sign of being nearly empty.
here, aides pull out a replacement for out-going family man karl rove.
secretly, cynics are rejoicing.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

who is crazier?

this deranged former rock icon,
or this deranged former viet nam era war figure?
[hint: they are both threatening the lives of people you just might know]

romance

does it seem that long ago,
'twas such a simple task?

all one had to do for some
was find a girl, and ask?
. . .
was it so much worse than now--
dates with books and class notes?
now with texting and IMs,
there's no need for love boats.
. . .
maybe i'm too old to know,
or worse, too old to care.
still, this dick would like to show
he's somewhat debonair.
. . .
all the same, there's such a price
to pay for true romance:
one's not always far off base
who sits the final dance.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

hello, world

i have this feature on here that tells me, generally,
where you are when you visit today's sermonette.
have i said "thank you" lately?
i just checked the world map to see who's been here the last couple days.
. . . . .
a milestone, for us, was reached with our first visitor from the south american continent. but there were actually visitors from three very different locations: the netherland's antilles; santiago, chile;
and managua, nicaragua.
welcome!! and thanks for visiting, friends and neighbors.
. . . . .
so here's where our recent readers call home:
europe: 3 locations in turkey; madrid & barcelona, spain; several in the united kingdom; moscow, russia; kuopio, finland; 2 locations in sweden; netherlands; belgium;
asia: seoul, south korea; punjab, pakistan; riyadh, saudi arabia;
kuwait; jakarta, indonesia;
south america: santiago, chile; netherlands antilles;
managua, nicaragua;
australia: three locations;
north america: toronto, canada, and all over the continental states.
. . . . .
as always, thanks for visiting!
we do not take any of you for granted.
please leave a comment some time, if you would.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

remember ME?

who the hell AM i?
[click on my photo for a clue]
. . .
i'm patrick mchenry,
a wise-guy republican from north carolina,
the buckle of the nascar belt.
you might think by looking at me that i'm the weather guy at
w-ass, tv6 from raleigh. but in reality,
i'm the brilliant congressman who ridiculed the democratic party
for their insistence that the bicycle was a major component of solving the energy crisis.
i'm so smart that i joked that they were proposing
a "19th century solution to a 21st century problem."
well, guess what?
i am such an asshole now.
god, how can i show my face on the floor of congress, after i said this:
“A major component of the Democrats’ energy legislation and the Democrats’ answer to our energy crisis is, hold on, wait one minute, wait one minute, it is promoting the use of the bicycle.
Oh, I cannot make this stuff up. Yes, the American people have heard this. Their answer to our fuel crisis, the crisis at the pumps, is: Ride a bike.
Democrats believe that using taxpayer funds in this bill to the tune of $1 million a year should be devoted to the principle of: “Save energy, ride a bike.”
. . . . .
i am such a dumb ass.
man. good thing i'm from north carolina.
those rubes! hell, they elected me once.
what did dubya say?
i'll get re-elected.
you just watch.
fucking idiots.

coming in september! [set your tivo]

bush: " 9/11?"
gates: "yup, 911."
petraeus: "sir, nine eleven, sir!"
bush: "thank you, general. so we agree, 9/11?"
both: "911, sir."
bush: "progress 9/11?"
gates: "yup, progress 911."
petraeus: "sir, progress nine eleven, sir!"
bush: "progress 9/11."
bush: "surge 9/11?"
gates: "yup, surge 911."
petraeus: "sir. surge nine eleven, sir!"
bush: "thank you, 9/11."

VFL

much to the surprise and delight of bookies
and dog sport lovers everywhere,
former NFL quarterback
and born-again sincere human being michael vick
was sentenced today by d.c. administrative judge roy pearson today
in a move quickly put together by his defense attorneys,
and approved by prosecutors and hailed by victim advocate
people for the ethical treatment of animals.
while specifics have not yet been released,
the general terms of his probationary sentence requires that
vick perform community service at halftime
at college and high school football games for the next three to five years.
highlights include:
1--that vick must play either quarterback or wide receiver,
depending on the play called;
2--that the play will be determined
by members of the host school's football team;
3--that whether vick must run the ball as a scrambling quarterback
or catch a pass as a receiver will not be known
until just before each play is executed;
4--that he will have one series to move the ball from
his own 20 yard line to his opponent's end zone;
5--that moving the ball 10 yards will get vick a first down;
6--that he will be defended by one large dog.
if, after three years, vick has a winning record,
he wll be released from probation.
however, if he has a losing record,
he will be "punished" and required to play another season.
schools playing host to VFL games will be selected from schools
whose mascots are dogs.

Monday, August 20, 2007

again

it's been a long year, and death has had a good one.
. . . . .


Sunday, August 19, 2007

so i'm riding my bike in valley junction

and some clown in a minivan cut me off.
. . .
just as quickly as she came, she disappeared down a side street.
it looks like she had a dashboard filled with cream pies,
and that i was almost another senseless, innocent victim of
the on-going turf war between rival gangs of clowns
that has been gripping the capitol city this summer.
this driver, an obvious member of
was no doubt on patrol on the well-heeled west side,
as this incident too place on rail road avenue, in historic valley junction,
the scene of some of the ugliest clown confrontations this summer.
i was riding my red fixed-gear track bike, sporting my new coonskin cap.
i must have been mistaken for a member of
the whitey's fiercest rival gang, the augustes,
who are celebrating their holy month as we speak.
i'm flattered to have been confused for an auguste-
-known to be "the least intelligent and most zany" of all clowns-
rather than the sad tramp or happy hobo, whose home turf i was near,
just south of railroad, along the river valley woods.
police said they'd investigate, but you know how that goes.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

what would YOU say?

you'll have to speak up; i have a tongue in my ear.

. . . . .
okay, wise guy: what would YOU say?
give me a caption.
i've been told by the dog's owner, this is not shopped.

roots racing

i've been riding bikes for over 50 years.
i started racing them in, oh, 1962 or so, with the burnett brothers,
mike and denny post, the sampson brothers, and others in the north end.
i got involved in "organized" racing in 1983,
and i first got a uscf license in 1987.
but one of the coolest things i've ever seen in cycling started happening
in des moines this summer, and is continuing this fall.
dave mable, a member of my all9yards.com racing team,
has managed to put together a women's racing team.
they started joining us on the tuesday night rides,
at first, just swelling the numbers as we rolled out of town,
but as the weeks passed,
they started appearing toward the front of the group,
pulling through, not freaking out the guys, being steady,
and generally riding with much better demonstrated skills
than many of the male triathletes.
[at least to my knowledge, which is vast,
none of the women has caused another cyclist to crash.]
the women's team, sporting very cool pink kits,
started showing up at local races.
some of the braver ones did all or part of ragbrai with
the legendary shortbus crew,
further honing their bike handling skills.
thursday saw the first of what will be many
"race like a girl" omniums at union park.
there are three more this year,
and they will be held throughout the season next year.
check cyclingupdate.com for complete details.
but the photos shown below give you a taste.
it's all about the women: THEIRS are the feature events.

the women's field was so large, i couldn't get them in one shot.

below, the all9yards women talk strategy with dave mable, the bald guy, while a "b" field racer zips past.

they continue to talk...

dave has been assisted this year by jane riessen, who is riding away with the iowa cup this year, and the race was held under the direction of donny q. this is a really very cool event, and will dovetail beautifully with the team's elkhart time trial series and our waterworks parks race series for next year. there will be fun, cut-throat, diverse, cheap, intense racing EVERY THURSDAY IN DES MOINES!! it's for everyone: women, beginner men, advanced men, and rumor is that there will be junior's and kid's races next year--all multi-race events. even as crusty an old curmudgeon as dave lippold says that "it provides a good workout." i told him i wouldn't tell anyone he said so. i think he fancies himself a sprinter. the specific races will likely change with each event, although there will always be a scrath race and a match sprint. it is might hope and desire that the course [ie, start/finish and direction] will change slightly each time, to avoid predictability and routine.

you folks from out of town should either plan to attend and take part, or just know that you're missing a hell of a good night of racing. lane says he enjoys finishing before the main event and drinking beer. i've been telling him that for years. kids.

ANOTHER republican miracle??

not to be outdone by the miraculous
lesbian birth of the vice president's grandchild,
our president is about to become the grandfather of
a heterosexual virginal birth child--just like his long-time political advisor, jesus.
talk about family values!
who possibly could argue that god is not on the side of the g.o.p.
with such abundant evidence?

don't let this happen to you--again



based on the lack of comments,
and upon my impressions of the readers of this place,
i fear that this piece has not gotten the attention it deserves.
in order to put it in perspective, and perhaps to whet your appetite,
try reading this article, which tells a couple tales "of how."
do you just want a photo that explains it all?

Friday, August 17, 2007

new old stuff

it was, all things considered, a good day yesterday.
i went to ames and had breakfast with my daughter,
and two grandkids, at the grove cafe. unfortunately, dwight had to work.
he missed out on free pancakes.
afterward, we went back to their home, and i took nyla for a bike ride.
she was bummed that i didn't ride my bike with her,
but i told her that she had to demonstrate to me that she could ride
her new bike fast enough to allow me to ride alongside.
she understood, so we did a very quick spin around the block.
i really appreciate her conering abilities on this new raleigh.
she has the whole leaning into the turn thing down.
apparently, my whole thing of pushing her quickly on her first bike,
so she could get the handling down first, is paying off.
i do NOT want her to ride like a triathlete.
i want her to know how to corner, rotate, move around, all that stuff.
surprisingly, or not, she already is working on riding no hands,
and has mastered standing up as she pedals.
i guess she WAS paying attention in the burley.
she used to admonish me to sit down,
whenever i would stand to accelerate.
i told her i had to stand up sometimes to go faster.
while we were gone, addie gave jabari a bath.
i got to hold him after he was dried and dressed,
and no poopy diapers to deal with.
i learned that he prefers being outside.
we were sitting inside, watching last saturday's
busch series road race at the watkins glen,
and he got fussy. took him outside, and he was totally cool.
the kid's gonna LOVE the burley next year.
upon my return home, there was a small box by the front door.
MY CAMPY TRACK HUBS!!!
can you identify all the different eras of bike technology in this photo?
there are many!

i love these campy boxes.
this photo is for michael fatka,
and for all the folks who ever rode in the ames area.
in addition to the campy parts boxes,
which were always in abundance at the shop,
this photo also features my old shimano ax 24" front wheel,
that i bought at michael's for my old nishiki funny bike.
the wheel was built for use at the 84 olympics.
good stuff.
oh, the new old stuff:
campy record track hubs, 28 hole, 120 mm spacing rear hub.
to be built with sew-up rims, for a set of race wheels for peggy.
you've read about her.

i have plenty of rims from which to choose.
i still have a supply of what some would call "old school" rims.
i call them "rims."
sun. i got a bunch of them, in 24, 28, and 32 holes.
those hubs are so nice.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

i was wrong-it's not the fault of rove, cheney and bush

jesus is to blame.
my never-ending research has uncovered this rare photo of
the Almighty in what i've recently come to understand was
not an uncharacteristic "fit of road rage" --
this one directed at a hapless biblical-era messenger
[note the shoulder bag]
who, it is alleged, startled His burro as the messenger sped by.
ever quick to indignity, my source tells me,
The One cornered the messenger as he was waiting to be paid,
and the confrontation depicted above took place.
upon close examination, it appears the someone, over the years,
has made a crude effort to obscure the black jack held in
His right hand.
again, karl, dick, dubya, ya got me on this one!
another "no indictment" here.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

fucking cheney provokes a rant about immigration

they're all to blame, those damned republicans!
there's a wonderful blog i read, the aristocrats, and today,
one of the four contributors wrote a very thought-provoking piece
about our illustrious vice-president, shown above.
i started to write a response, but then realized i just couldn't do it.
i just couldn't post my opinion
AND still respect and not violate a commenter's
unspoken and unwritten obligation to maintain
a reasonable amount of brevity.
but if it's one's own blog,
well, hell, talk on, dude!
so, this is what i started to say in response to mark's post:
. . .
i know should feel better than i do right now,
since this piece was really very funny,
and well conceived and executed,
but i feel nauseous, and i need to take a long, hot shower.
and i need a strong drink.
. . .
it's really frightening, living here in iowa,
and having these idiot republican candidates
roaming around like flies on shit,
tap-dancing over and around the bush administration policies,
saying "i'm like that" and "i'm not like that"
and listening to these stupid iowa republicans saying,
"you know, i'd never even heard of [fill in the blank}
before i came to mcdonald's for coffee this morning,
but i heard what he had to say about [well, let's say immigration],
and i agree with him.
by god, we DO need to build a fence-
-i say 30 feet high wouldn't be too high."
. . .
the truth is that here in iowa, we DO have a lot of immigrants,
some of them no doubt illegals, and we have FOR YEARS!
seasonal vegetable growers [truck farmers] have for my entire life relied upon these [typically mexican] workers to get the crops out of the fields. it is HARD, back-breaking work, and there has never been a tradition of locals [read: white folks]lining up to do this work.
in fact, many of the larger employers have long had permanent housing available for the workers when the buses would pull into town. entire families often would travel together, work together, and live together during their stay in iowa, before moving on to their next destination.
and more recently, the hispanic population has moved into the slaughter houses in central iowa. in northern iowa, and southern minnesota, south asians also work the slaughter houses and packing plants.
but for some reason, the good, simple folks of iowa have their bloomers in bunches over the need to get rid of these damned illegals, because they're taking our jobs. they're not paying taxes.
yeah, bullshit.
they're not paying taxes just like we bicyclists aren't paying taxes.
and is they ARE getting paid cash, um, how many of you good, simple iowa folks like to pay cash for labor done?
and just who would mow your too large lawns?
and who would lay asphalt, pour concrete, reshingle your roof?
you guys bitch about this and that, they're taking jobs, crowding our schools, wanting health care.
well, what about your fine, lily-white sons and daughters?
what are they doing to fill the jobs that might otherwise go unfilled or taken by those damned illegals?
did you suggest that little suzie or young biff might want to work at firestone, or tyson, instead of getting that internship at, where, the mall?
you know, for wanting to reduce government, and cut taxes, and get government off our backs,
those crafty--no, i think i decided they're evil--right wingers sure have a knack for running up huge budget deficits!
i wonder why pete has never tried to explain THAT apparent paradox?
and he says that al sharpton and jesse jackson are harmful.

my favorite things

warren haynes, perhaps the most talented singer, songwriter,
guitarist, musician, band leader, and all-round nice guy in the business today.
. . . . .

nascar cheerleaders, alongside dale junior's chevy.

"raindrops on asphalt and whiskers on stewart,

bright colored paint jobs and warm mountain dewers,

brown toyota camry slowed down by bad things,
don't hold a candle to warren when he sings."
what's this all about?
i just learned that:
"NASCAR in Primetime: Life in the Fastlane"
begins airing on ABC Wednesday August 15th at 900PM.
Earlier this year, Warren Haynes scored and performed
the score for this in depth look at NASCAR in America.
ABC News was granted exclusive and unprecedented access
into the world of NASCAR,
and has created what is sure to be one of the best mini-series on TV this year.
For more info, head to ABC NEWS on the web at
and tune in Wednesday night.
. . . . .
if you enjoy warren's music
[or the music of the allman brothers band,
or the music of gov't mule,
or the music of the dead,
or the music of any number of the hundreds of bands
for whom warren has played, produced, or helped put in the spotlight]
you need to check this out.
dang, i'm psyched.
maybe mitt romney will be seen!

the fair: it's more than just candidates

a photo essay
i went to the iowa state fair sunday with nyla and her dad.
i had some terrifying midway experiences.

showing her college readiness at an early age, nyla demonstrates her ability to eat pizza for breakfast, while dwight keeps a ready eye on what we had previously indentified as a potentially dangerous situation involving over-exposure of flesh to the harsh elements of the day.


i hadn't ridden a roller coaster since the early 60s. this train of death tried but failed to trigger the p.t.s.d. that i developed during the acid wars of the late 60s, owing to a strong faith and years of worship at the church of the two-wheeled scam. reverend, heal thyself, eh?

i'm certain this is one of the youngest mulletts i've ever seen. he was in a family of three such baby mulls.


nyla, posing with the second-largest pig at the fair, although she confided later that she thought the woman sitting next to her while she was eating breakfast earlier was at least as large, and clearly more interesting. lesson learned here: you don't have to be the largest to be able to lay about in urine-soaked sand with a steel fence around you and have thousands of people gawking at you on a sweltering summer day.


we ran into some people hell-bent on shaking my hand. my security was good, but this guy suceeded in touching me.

i'm going back later this week. i have to, as i bought several advance discount-priced tickets. contact me, if you'd like to come along--on bikes.

imus reaches accord with cbs

. . . in which he is allowed to return to the airwaves.

as a part of the agreement, however,
given the fact that the airwaves DO belong to the public,
and in as much as broadcasters do have an ethical obligation
to protect the public,
imus has agreed to exchange his trademark hat

for this.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

repeat after me:

these are traffic barricades.
these are traffic barricades.
these are traffic barricades.
the people of keizer, oregon, are nuts.
the people of keizer, oregon, are nuts.
the people or keizer, oregon, are nuts.
is it any wonder this country's all fucked up?

Monday, August 13, 2007

mark snopek funeral TONIGHT in ames

short notice, but i just received this email:
. . .
This probably ran over the weekend through the Ames Tribune.
Honestly, I just got it and posted it online as news.
========
Mark Lee Snopek, 53, of Boone passed away on August 8, 2007
in a hit and run accident while riding his bicycle .
A celebration of Mark's life will be held Monday, August 13, 2007
at 7 p.m. at Adams Funeral Home in Ames.
[located one block north of main street, and
one block west of duff avenue]
The family will greet friends
from 3:30 to 8 p.m. Monday at the funeral home.
Mark was born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin on February 10, 1954
to Leland and Irene (Rostkowski) Snopek.
He married Kay Milinovich on April 28, 1979.
Mark worked for the Iowa Department of Transportation
as a Wetland Ecologist.
Mark enjoyed canoeing, especially the boundary waters,
bicycling and hiking.
He was a voracious reader of natural history.
He is preceded in death by his sister, Amy Lang in 1985.
He will be fondly remembered by his wife of 28 years Kay,
parents Lee and Irene Snopek, sister Jill Kotke,
Nieces Lindsey Lang and Alyssa Kotke, nephews Grant Lang and Taylor Kotke,
special pet cat Spot and a host of family and friends.
Memorials may be directed to Wisconsin Wetland Association,
Society of Wetland Scientists, Natural Resource Defense Council or
The Nature Conservancy.
Adams Funeral Home of Ames entrusted with the arrangements.
. . . . .
[received from Mary Catlett
mary.catlett@newsrepublican.com ]
i will be driving to ames from the orphanage in des moines
with my bike and will park and ride to the funeral home for the services.
thinking "out loud" i suppose we could skip the bikes and just show in cycling garb,
but THAT would be even more lame than taking the bikes for a ride.
perhaps we could go for a ride following the service.
call me [515.669.8318] if you want to go.

what the hell, LET the door hit ya

i HATE this man.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

who locked up dick cheney's not-so-evil twin?

this guy must have suffered more head injuries than me in the years between 1994 and 2007, that's all i can imagine.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

this just in, from hilton coliseum!!

"we're here live to carry live the results of today's straw poll.
candidates have been shaking hands, working their organizations,
and we're going to bring it to you live.
george w. bush was able to win the straw poll in 1999,
and managed to parlay it into a win in november.
will one of the eight--or ten--candidates manage to--
i'm being told that it will be another 15 minutes
until they are ready to announce the winner,
and i'm sure you would rather watch "the singing bee."
we'll get back to you as soon as we know the winner."
! ! ! ! !



Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney
was a gracious host, with a tent and catered barbecue
for supporters bused in from throughout the state.
Romney was joined by his wife, Ann, and their five sons.

last seen

drinking mountain dew through a straw,
outside the quik trip at university and east 30th,
he asked me if i had a spare ticket to the fair.
i did, and i ditched him at the butter harry potter line.
i was humming this tune.
i love "east side night" at the fair.

Friday, August 10, 2007

bicycles, wildlife, and you

WRONG
. . .
RIGHT
watchimg this potentially life-saving safety video
before your next bike ride
could be the single-most important thing you do all year.
take it from one who knows!

FLASH!!!

disco who? THIS JUST IN!!!

rider relief fund

[from the bikeiowa.org email list]
Sorry for the blast email, but...
I'm not prepared to make the formal announcement yet,
but I wanted to give everyone a heads up on what I'm currently working on so that you may pass it along to others who might be interested...As you know, Conn Day suffered an accident while racing recently resulting in a fractured pelvis, concussion, and other injuries. This event has spurred an outpouring of sentiment and good will from those who would like to help in some fashion.I have been approached by a group within our cycling community to discuss ways in which we might be able to provide assistance not only to Conn, but also to other cyclists who may find themselves in the same situation.To facilitate this, I am establishing a non-profit (charitable?) organization called the Rider Relief Fund. Many of the details are still being ironed out, which is why I'm treating this as more of an informal announcement (formal announcement and press release to be forthcoming). Please know that this is not something I am doing solely on my own - I am merely going through the legwork of setting up the organization and helping to bring it to fruition.As it stands right now, the goals for this organization will be to aide and assist cyclists who become injured while riding/racing. As much as possible, we would like to avoid simply handing the cyclist a monetary check, as it could be taken the wrong way and not used to its fullest potential. (Using Conn as the example, he would likely not accept it or would simply turn it over to charity).Instead, the Rider Relief Fund's goal will be to use donations and revenue from fundraisers to help meet the cyclist's monthly cost of living expenses. These could include anything from electrical/gas utilities, water utilities, mortgage payments, or anything else that we find to help the cyclist with. One vision is to see the Rider Relief Fund work directly with the providing companies, who could then also contribute as well and also use the opportunity for their own public relations if they so choose.Initially, these type of expenses will be easier to assist with and the hope is it can provide a more immediate response rather than trying to deal with medical insurance paperwork, USAC medical reimbursements, medical facilities paperwork, determining how much is/isn't already covered medically, etc.With that said, if anyone is interested in providing donations - either to be used directly for Conn or for helping build the fund for future riders -
please feel free to do so by sending a check to:
Rider Relief Fund
Attn: Mark A. Guthart
2000 James Street, Suite 215
Coralville, IA 52241
(If you don't want to mail one,
you can also give a donation to me at a race).
I apologize this will not initially be set up as a 501c3 charitable organization.
I'm investigating the process for doing this
and weighing the plusses/minuses of doing so.
If you have any questions, comments, concerns, suggestions,
please don't hesitate to contact me with those as well.
Mark A. Guthart
319-248-9665
319-321-6487 (cell)
P.S. The website for this group is in the process of
getting registered as well,
and will be available shortly at
If there is anyone I missed on this,
please feel free to forward. Thanks!
[i just did--thanks, mark!]

unplug the television?

i just read this. hmmm...let the bidding begin?
Discovery disbands
Tailwind Sports has announced the end of the Discovery Channel Pro Cycling Team today, confirming rumours that cropped up when the team failed to announce a new sponsor after the team won the Tour de France. The team was given notice that the Discovery Channel would not renew its sponsorship back in February, leading to a long and intensive search for a replacement sponsor.
Despite having won eight Tours de France, the team will fold at the end of this season, leaving 27 riders looking for new jobs, including 2007 Tour winner Alberto Contador, third place finisher Levi Leipheimer, and eighth place finisher Yaroslav Popovych. American George Hincapie is rumoured to have already signed with T-Mobile for the upcoming year, a team whose sponsor was uncertain to continue in the sport until intensive talks led to a renewal of commitment from the sponsor with plenty of conditions.
General Manager Bill Stapleton admitted in the organisation's press release that the search for a new sponsor had gone nowhere. "We were in talks with a number of companies about the opportunity and were confident a new sponsor was imminent. We have chosen, however, to end those discussions."
The team was said to have been close to signing a deal in
March, but no announcement followed the news. As the season wore on, Bruyneel had gone as far as China to search for a replacement sponsor, but by June, the team had still failed to ink a deal. The team was rumoured to be asking $45 million for three years - a difficult sell in the current climate of doping scandals in the sport. That the team which won eight Tours can not find a sponsor bodes poorly for the sport in general. "Tailwind has had an amazing ten years of success with U.S. Postal and more recently Discovery Channel as its title sponsor. This is arguably the most successful sports franchise in the history of sport," stated Stapleton. "This was a difficult decision, not made any easier by our recent Tour de France success."
Directeur sportif Johan Bruyneel built the team from a fledgling squad of Americans to a Tour powerhouse starting in 1999. With Lance Armstrong, the team went on to win seven Tours. While the squad struggled in the wake of Armstrong's retirement in 2005, it found its footing once again in this year's Tour and came out with it's best performance ever with two men on the podium. "When I came to direct this team in 1999 I never would have imagined that we could achieve this level of success. It was an amazing time in my life and the lives of all the staff and riders associated with this team," commented Bruyneel.
Bruyneel's future in the sport is now in question, with Rabobank being the only ProTour team in search of a directeur sportif. "I'm going to miss the staff, riders and the excitement of the races, but not all the in fighting between the teams. This Team has become my family and it is very sad to think that we will not be together next season. 2007 has been our most successful season ever and I expect the remainder of the season to continue on that same path."
Seven-time Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong, a co-owner of the team, took a more optimistic view. "I do not think you have seen the last of this organisation in the sport, but clearly things need to improve on many levels, with a more unified front, before you would see us venture back into cycling," Armstrong added. The Discovery Channel Pro Cycling Team will continue to race its full calendar of Pro Tour races including the final grand tour of the season, the Tour of Spain, as well as the upcoming Tour of Missouri."
--cyclingnews.com

mark snopek

Authorities seek clues in bicyclist's death
By NIGEL DUARA, REGISTER STAFF WRITER
August 10, 2007
[i've stolen this from the register--i hope they don't sue me!]
. . .
It was typical for Mark Snopek to ride his bicycle
for an hour or so each evening after sunset.
The rides usually were along rural, paved routes near Boone,
friends and family members said.
"He always dressed in bright, visible colors,"
said Jolene Hansen, Snopek's neighbor.
"When he didn't come home, (his wife) went out to look for him."
Law enforcement officials are searching for a dark car with extensive front-end damage that witnesses said hit Snopek on Wednesday night and sent him several hundred feet from the impact, said Boone County Sheriff Ron Fehr. The hit-and-run accident occurred about 9 p.m. Snopek, whose helmet was shattered, died at the scene.
[note: this is the second hit-and-run bicyclist death
on this stretch of shoulderless county road in 12 months--the rev]
Investigators want the public's help in identifying the driver, Fehr said. He said officials are hoping that lab results from Snopek's clothing and shattered glass at the scene yield some clues about the type of vehicle that was involved in the accident.
"It was all sent down and we're hoping we can get some paint transfer off clothing or the body," Fehr said.
Snopek's hit-and-run death raises issues for motorists and bicyclists throughout the state, said Iowa Bicycle Coalition Executive Director Mark Wyatt. "It's a problem in Iowa because most car-bicycle accidents are preventable," Wyatt said. He said the Legislature needs to take steps to prevent the accidents and heighten the penalties for those who cause them. Aside from more easily enforceable crimes like drunken driving, Wyatt said his organization is pushing for an intermediate charge for people who strike bicyclists while distracted - talking on cell phones, applying makeup, eating or sending text messages, for example - that aren't "reckless and wanton" as the law applies, but remain dangerous.
Snopek was an environmental specialist with the Iowa Department of Transportation's Office of Location and Environment in Ames.
He was described by friends and family as an avid environmentalist
who would spend vacations with his wife in rural, out-of-the-way places.
"He was a son that was really dedicated to what he believed in," said Leland Snopek, Mark's father. Hansen remembered Snopek's frustration when a nearby family wanted to build a track for all-terrain vehicles in a river valley near his home.
"He was upset because he loved nature and wanted everything to be preserved the way it should be," Hansen said.
"He was very adamant about that."
Reporter Nigel Duara can be reached at (515) 284-8065 or nduara@dmreg.com.