for my tea-bagging friends!

The Teabagger Socialist-Free Purity Pledge
by Laura Clawson

Daily Kos readers are awesome and send awesome emails:
I, ________________________, do solemnly swear to uphold the principles of a socialism-free society and heretofore pledge my word that I shall strictly adhere to the following:
I will complain about the destruction of 1st Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 1st Amendment Rights.
I will complain about the destruction of my 2nd Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 2nd Amendment rights by legally but brazenly brandishing unconcealed firearms in public.
I will foreswear the time-honored principles of fairness, decency, and respect by screaming unintelligible platitudes regarding tyranny, Nazi-ism, and socialism at public town halls. Also.
I pledge to eliminate all government intervention in my life. I will abstain from the use of and participation in any socialist goods and services including but not limited to the following:
-Social Security
-Medicare/Medicaid
-State Children’s Health Insurance Programs (SCHIP)
-Police, Fire, and Emergency Services
-US Postal Service
-Roads and Highways
-Air Travel (regulated by the socialist FAA)
-The US Railway System
-Public Subways and Metro Systems
-Public Bus and Lightrail Systems
-Rest Areas on Highways
-Sidewalks
-All Government-Funded Local/State Projects (e.g., see Iowa 2009 federal senate appropriations)
-Public Water and Sewer Services (goodbye socialist toilet, shower, dishwasher, kitchen sink, outdoor hose!)
-Public and State Universities and Colleges
-Public Primary and Secondary Schools
-Sesame Street
-Publicly Funded Anti-Drug Use Education for Children
-Public Museums
-Libraries
-Public Parks and Beaches
-State and National Parks
-Public Zoos
-Unemployment Insurance
-Municipal Garbage and Recycling Services
-Treatment at Any Hospital or Clinic That Ever Received Funding From Local, State or Federal Government (pretty much all of them)
-Medical Services and Medications That Were Created or Derived From Any Government Grant or Research Funding (again, pretty much all of them)
-Socialist Byproducts of Government Investment Such as Duct Tape and Velcro (Nazi-NASA Inventions)
-Use of the Internets, email, and networked computers, as the DoD's ARPANET was the basis for subsequent computer networking
-Foodstuffs, Meats, Produce and Crops That Were Grown With, Fed With, Raised With or That
-The Grand Canyon
-The socialist World War II and Vietnam Veterans Memorials
-The government-run socialist-propaganda location known as Arlington National Cemetery
-All other public-funded socialist sites, whether it be in my state or in Washington, DC
I will urge my Member of Congress and Senators to forego their government salary and government-provided healthcare.
I will oppose and condemn the government-funded and therefore socialist military of the United States of America.
I will boycott the products of socialist defense contractors such as GE, Lockheed-Martin, Boeing, Northrop Grumman, General Dynamics, Raytheon, Humana, FedEx, General Motors, Honeywell, and hundreds of others that are paid by our socialist government to produce goods for our socialist army.
I will protest socialist security departments such as the Pentagon, FBI, CIA, Department of Homeland Security, TSA, Department of Justice and their socialist employees.
Upon reaching eligible retirement age, I will tear up my socialist Social Security checks.
Upon reaching age 65, I will forego Medicare and pay for my own private health insurance until I die.
SWORN ON A BIBLE AND SIGNED THIS DAY OF __________ IN THE YEAR ___.
_____________ _________________________
Signed Printed Name/Town and State