Friday, March 09, 2007

jesus, and clocks

this may surprise many readers to learn this,
but i belong to an email group,
by virtue of my membership in a bicycle racing team.
this "list" is generally pretty quiet,
talking about gear ratios and batteries.
but recently, the question was asked,
"what kind of bike would jesus ride?"
i set off to do some research, and learned the following:
1--bike, or bicycle, is not mentioned in the bible.
i haven't considered the eternal consequences of this.
2--jesus wears sandals, presumably shimano spd.
3--He can, and does, ride with one hand.
4--He doesn't wear a helmet.
5--His preferred bike is an old cruiser, without a rack.
this shoots down a theory by lane, wherein
He helped lane finish a tuesday night ride by hoisting lane onto His rack.
6--He does not use a heartrate monitor,
nor does He use an srm or powertap.

He equally enjoys little kids who roller skate and ride bmx.

He is a fan of starbucks small hot beverages.

and there is a theory out on the internet wherein
He died in a grizzly bike accident,
or so this chicago sculptor believes.
but it still doesn't disclose what brand of bike He would ride.
i think he'd ride a mercier.
and you? let us know in the comments.
oh, don't forget to set your clocks AND computers for
daylight savings time tomorrow night.
and if the world ends, thanks for reading!


Squirrel said...

Yer killing me Westy:)


gpickle said...

This is what I am talking about! Hooray for Kim!

I would like to think Jesus would ride an Ira Ryan (Harrison Ford would agree, no doubt) but I am forced to admit that he would probably choose something from the "Heaven on Earth" Vanilla catalog. Classic randonneur for sure, no fenders as Jesus is water repellent which would get him into trouble at PBP. Full Campy (duh) but no carbon anywhere (duh) with a Brooks saddle and a sturdy 32 spoke 3 cross tubular wheelset that he built up himself while kneeling in a dusty courtyard somewhere. Thats all I have for now, this is a fun game, give me somebody else to outfit!

Garrett said...

Jesus could definately ride an Ira Ryan, but I don't know ... as much as I love the old school zeal of steel as Steve descripes above, why not go all carbon?

If Jesus is the savior then he deserves the best and carbon is the best isn't it? I mean, that's what Lance uses right?

I actually envision Jesus on a Trek TTX with a project one "Heaven" paint scheme kind of like JJ's fighter plane bike, but with angels and clouds and shit. Of course, there would be a matching custom painted aero helmet.

Although Trek is the quintessential souless, corporate bike company that makes overprices well marketed shit, so maybe Jesus deserves a Colnago with Campy. Italians love Jesus more than Americans anyway right?

Anonymous said...

A Trek? Garrett... really? A Trek? Look down between your legs and tell me exactly how far your head is stuck up your boot-hole? Or JJ's boot-hole for that matter?

the mostly reverend said...

recall, He was a carpenter. and the hand job bike show was featuring bamboo bikes, right?
just doing the devil's advocate thing here, kids.
great ideas so far.
keep them coming.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe no one has mentioned wooden rims yet, also leather strap reflectors on the hubs.


Garrett Davis said...

As usual, Mr. anonymous comes in for the kill ... are you the same anonymous to throw that zinger in on last weeks post and not own up to it? Probably.

It appears you forgot to read my final paragraph where I decided that an italian bike would be perfect for our savior.

If you want to let us know who you are, I'd be happy help you get your help out of your boot-hole you moron.


Garrett said...

P.S. I made a typo ... I meant to say I can help you get your head out of your ass!


Anonymous said...

I've been bamboozled! Lol ... nice job. I took the bait.