Friday, April 11, 2008

what do they have in common?

joe and georgie sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g...
[some kid and his mom]
Things you have to believe to be a Republican today.
1. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority but Saddam's refusal to heed UN resolutions is a reason to go to war.
3. Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.
4. "Standing Tall for America'" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to abroad.
5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
6. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
7. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
8. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.
9. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
10. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
11. HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.
12. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
13. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
17. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
18. You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.
19. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
20. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.


Anonymous said...

Patch Adams. If you ever get a chance to hear him speak. Don't miss it. I heard him speak yesterday and he is probably one of the most interesting speakers I have ever heard. The reason I bring it up in this column is because it didn't take him more than 30 seconds into his talk to say "Bush is a fascist killer" and it wasn't 30 seconds from the end of his talk when he said he "thinks Bush is worst than Hitler." Now with that said, it talk wasn't focused on Bush per say. However, it is was interesting to learn about his approach to social change. You may or may not know his story but he is a doctor or as he puts it "a political activist who chose health care as his vehicle to affect the world." Very, very interesting man. You may find out a little about him at
Peace, love, and all those good things. Ryan, Iowa City

the mostly reverend said...

thanks for that reminder.
it's amazing what--if you have something to say--you can get away with!