Monday, May 21, 2007

it's getting harder and harder to believe this shit

Landis' former manager entering rehab [lame excuse]

Floyd Landis' [changing opinion] former business manager Will Geoghegan [how do you pronounce this?],
relieved of his duties [supplying floyd with jack and coke]following the threatening phone call he made to Greg Lemond [whiny has-been], is entering a rehabilitation program [big surprise] it was announced Monday [always AFTER the barn burns down].
...Geoghegan is in a "distraught state" [fucked up and broke] following the fallout [i can't believe he testified] from his phone call to Lemond [goddamned blabbermouth] last Tuesday evening [i was sooo hungover wednesday morning in court], which Geoghegan later said [what's that shit you take BEFORE your get fucked up?]was the result of alcohol consumption [and too much testosterone].
"While Floyd [were his parents cousins?] and the entire team [dewey, cheatem, and howe] find Will's actions regrettable and abhorrent [we regret that he got caught, and we abhor getting caught], he is still a friend [no place to hide the body] and we wish him the best [hope he dies, or at least cuts out his tongue] in his recovery," wrote Kay, who is executive director [does no work] of the OUCH Sports Medical Center [THIS is encouraging?].
"It is my hope that we can make a seamless transition [i hope to fuck SOMETHING works]
and continue [START?] to work together in our mutual best interests [when DO we get paid?].
I know that Floyd [box of rocks] is eager [sitting on electric, shit-filled nasa diaper] to get through the last days [weeks, years?] of his hearing and to turn his focus [where's the jack?] toward his business responsibilities [who's in charge of getting money from the public? does this maynard HAVE any fans left?].
He is very excited [thyroid fucked up from too much testosterone] about our anticipated victory [we've GOTTA get this rube some money, or we're ALL fucked] and is anxious [and SOON!] to support the very few [first honest statement] that have supported him [used to believe in santa, easter bunny, george dubya, and jerry falwell]."
. . . . .
lately i've theorized [rationalized] that floyd [nimrod] might just be a bumpkin [dumbass] who surrounded himself with devious associates [assholes] who were not acting with floyd's [he's a dumbass with money] best interests at heart [sold it on eBay to buy jack daniels], but rather had their OWN agendas [how can i get some of it?].
but how likely is THAT [gdubyabush/karlrove]?
. . . . .
speaking of hard to believe, watch this.
but seriously, who HASN'T felt like this guy
at least ten or twenty times in college.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

The last few posts have been great. I loved the "Saving it" post.

G

gpickle said...

Kim,

Thanks for writing.

Steve

the mostly reverend said...

you guys are the reason i work so fucking hard to make me laugh.
i couldn't do it without me.

by the way, a curious reader called to ask what i have been drinking for inspiration and motivation.
the answer? iced house blend from zanzibars coffee adventure.
it's been responsible for most of the late-night posts.
finally, the answer to a narcoleptic's prayers!!

Mistress Julie said...

nice post Rev... I think the Floyd saga should move to Lifetime television...