Monday, May 21, 2007

it's getting harder and harder to believe this shit

Landis' former manager entering rehab [lame excuse]

Floyd Landis' [changing opinion] former business manager Will Geoghegan [how do you pronounce this?],
relieved of his duties [supplying floyd with jack and coke]following the threatening phone call he made to Greg Lemond [whiny has-been], is entering a rehabilitation program [big surprise] it was announced Monday [always AFTER the barn burns down].
...Geoghegan is in a "distraught state" [fucked up and broke] following the fallout [i can't believe he testified] from his phone call to Lemond [goddamned blabbermouth] last Tuesday evening [i was sooo hungover wednesday morning in court], which Geoghegan later said [what's that shit you take BEFORE your get fucked up?]was the result of alcohol consumption [and too much testosterone].
"While Floyd [were his parents cousins?] and the entire team [dewey, cheatem, and howe] find Will's actions regrettable and abhorrent [we regret that he got caught, and we abhor getting caught], he is still a friend [no place to hide the body] and we wish him the best [hope he dies, or at least cuts out his tongue] in his recovery," wrote Kay, who is executive director [does no work] of the OUCH Sports Medical Center [THIS is encouraging?].
"It is my hope that we can make a seamless transition [i hope to fuck SOMETHING works]
and continue [START?] to work together in our mutual best interests [when DO we get paid?].
I know that Floyd [box of rocks] is eager [sitting on electric, shit-filled nasa diaper] to get through the last days [weeks, years?] of his hearing and to turn his focus [where's the jack?] toward his business responsibilities [who's in charge of getting money from the public? does this maynard HAVE any fans left?].
He is very excited [thyroid fucked up from too much testosterone] about our anticipated victory [we've GOTTA get this rube some money, or we're ALL fucked] and is anxious [and SOON!] to support the very few [first honest statement] that have supported him [used to believe in santa, easter bunny, george dubya, and jerry falwell]."
. . . . .
lately i've theorized [rationalized] that floyd [nimrod] might just be a bumpkin [dumbass] who surrounded himself with devious associates [assholes] who were not acting with floyd's [he's a dumbass with money] best interests at heart [sold it on eBay to buy jack daniels], but rather had their OWN agendas [how can i get some of it?].
but how likely is THAT [gdubyabush/karlrove]?
. . . . .
speaking of hard to believe, watch this.
but seriously, who HASN'T felt like this guy
at least ten or twenty times in college.


Anonymous said...

The last few posts have been great. I loved the "Saving it" post.


gpickle said...


Thanks for writing.


the mostly reverend said...

you guys are the reason i work so fucking hard to make me laugh.
i couldn't do it without me.

by the way, a curious reader called to ask what i have been drinking for inspiration and motivation.
the answer? iced house blend from zanzibars coffee adventure.
it's been responsible for most of the late-night posts.
finally, the answer to a narcoleptic's prayers!!

Mistress Julie said...

nice post Rev... I think the Floyd saga should move to Lifetime television...