Tuesday, August 21, 2007


much to the surprise and delight of bookies
and dog sport lovers everywhere,
former NFL quarterback
and born-again sincere human being michael vick
was sentenced today by d.c. administrative judge roy pearson today
in a move quickly put together by his defense attorneys,
and approved by prosecutors and hailed by victim advocate
people for the ethical treatment of animals.
while specifics have not yet been released,
the general terms of his probationary sentence requires that
vick perform community service at halftime
at college and high school football games for the next three to five years.
highlights include:
1--that vick must play either quarterback or wide receiver,
depending on the play called;
2--that the play will be determined
by members of the host school's football team;
3--that whether vick must run the ball as a scrambling quarterback
or catch a pass as a receiver will not be known
until just before each play is executed;
4--that he will have one series to move the ball from
his own 20 yard line to his opponent's end zone;
5--that moving the ball 10 yards will get vick a first down;
6--that he will be defended by one large dog.
if, after three years, vick has a winning record,
he wll be released from probation.
however, if he has a losing record,
he will be "punished" and required to play another season.
schools playing host to VFL games will be selected from schools
whose mascots are dogs.

1 comment:

Bart said...

I don't really care about the NFL, NBA, and MLB but.................

On top of 5/10 years in prison taking it in the ASS. Mr. Vick should never again be allowed on a football field.