VFL

much to the surprise and delight of bookies

and dog sport lovers everywhere,

former NFL quarterback

and born-again sincere human being michael vick

was sentenced today by d.c. administrative judge roy pearson today

in a move quickly put together by his defense attorneys,

and approved by prosecutors and hailed by victim advocate

people for the ethical treatment of animals.

while specifics have not yet been released,

the general terms of his probationary sentence requires that

vick perform community service at halftime

at college and high school football games for the next three to five years.

highlights include:

1--that vick must play either quarterback or wide receiver,

depending on the play called;

2--that the play will be determined

by members of the host school's football team;

3--that whether vick must run the ball as a scrambling quarterback

or catch a pass as a receiver will not be known

until just before each play is executed;

4--that he will have one series to move the ball from

his own 20 yard line to his opponent's end zone;

5--that moving the ball 10 yards will get vick a first down;

6--that he will be defended by one large dog.

if, after three years, vick has a winning record,

he wll be released from probation.

however, if he has a losing record,

he will be "punished" and required to play another season.

schools playing host to VFL games will be selected from schools

whose mascots are dogs.