Tuesday, October 17, 2006

? ? ? ? ? ? ?
the mostly
. . .
? ? ? ? ? ? ?
. . .
. . .
in the mailbag today was a question from right here in capitol city, iowa.
a reader seeks access to the fabled "orphanage cookbook" which
has fed literally hundreds and hundreds of open mouths
over the decades.
. . .
the reader writes, in part:
dear ask the reverend,
what's the secret to eating like
a real bike racer?
you know, getting actual nutrition,
but on a bikie's budget!
signed, not eating right
? ? ? ?
dear not,
that's a great question!
and it presents a wonderful opportunity for me,
the mostly reverend,
to mention an upcoming series of features in
today's sermonette
in which i will share the secrets of
my special weight loss plan, which i call
. . . . .
"the get up off your fat ass
and skip a meal, fat ass!! diet"
--it's good!
--it's tasty!
--it's CHEAP!!!
? ? ? ? ? ?
today, we cover breakfast...
the first meal of the day, and as mom always said,
your first opportunity to do the dishes,
so keep it simple!
? ? ? ? ? ?
this is what we serve at the orphanage
[and with luck, i'll get the photos posted in the correct order]
[well, i have NO idea where the photos went!]
anyway, from the imaginary first picture,
we see the ingredients to the two variants:
grits [or oatmeal],
brown sugar,
mandarin orange segments,
rasins [for oatmeal only],
oh, and COFFEE!
you make a double batch of grits [or oatmeal]
and as it cooks, stir in the cinnamon.
put a half can of orange segments in your cereal bowl,
and stir in three large tablespoons of applesauce
as the cooking nears completion.
[if you make oatmeal, stir in a 1/4 cup of raisins prior
to adding the applesauce]
lovingly spoon your meal into your bowl.
sprinkle 2 or 3 teaspoons of dark brown sugar
over the top of your breakfast.
enjoy with lots of dark roast coffee.
spend about an hour eating,
drinking coffee,
and reading a book for pleasure.
this VERY filling meal
contains NO FAT
and costs about:
$.25 for cereal,
$.26 for oranges,
mere pennies for applesauce,
about $.10 for raisins,
whispers for cinnamon,
$.02 for brown sugar,
and maybe $.10 for your coffee.
what's that add up to?
add the value of reading for pleasure
and you're a damned fool if you don't!!
. . . . .
and then, get up off
your fat ass
and do something
the rest of the morning!!
. . . . .
then skip a meal.
pretty simple, if you ask ME!
[i wonder where the photos went?
i'll post them separately later, if they don't appear.
and if someone actually KNOWS
what the hell i'm not doing correctly,
please post a comment.
we take such contributions here at
the orphanage!]

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