? ? ? ? ? ? ?

ask

the mostly

reverend

. . .

? ? ? ? ? ? ?

. . .

. . .

in the mailbag today was a question from right here in capitol city, iowa.

a reader seeks access to the fabled "orphanage cookbook" which

has fed literally hundreds and hundreds of open mouths

over the decades.

. . .

the reader writes, in part:

dear ask the reverend,

what's the secret to eating like

a real bike racer?

you know, getting actual nutrition,

but on a bikie's budget!

signed, not eating right

? ? ? ?

dear not,

that's a great question!

and it presents a wonderful opportunity for me,

the mostly reverend,

to mention an upcoming series of features in

today's sermonette

in which i will share the secrets of

my special weight loss plan, which i call

. . . . .

"the get up off your fat ass

and skip a meal, fat ass!! diet"

--it's good!

--it's tasty!

AND

--it's CHEAP!!!

? ? ? ? ? ?

today, we cover breakfast...

the first meal of the day, and as mom always said,

your first opportunity to do the dishes,

so keep it simple!

? ? ? ? ? ?

this is what we serve at the orphanage

[and with luck, i'll get the photos posted in the correct order]

[well, i have NO idea where the photos went!]

anyway, from the imaginary first picture,

we see the ingredients to the two variants:

grits [or oatmeal],

brown sugar,

cinnamon,

mandarin orange segments,

applesauce,

rasins [for oatmeal only],

oh, and COFFEE!

you make a double batch of grits [or oatmeal]

and as it cooks, stir in the cinnamon.

put a half can of orange segments in your cereal bowl,

and stir in three large tablespoons of applesauce

as the cooking nears completion.

[if you make oatmeal, stir in a 1/4 cup of raisins prior

to adding the applesauce]

lovingly spoon your meal into your bowl.

sprinkle 2 or 3 teaspoons of dark brown sugar

over the top of your breakfast.

enjoy with lots of dark roast coffee.

spend about an hour eating,

drinking coffee,

and reading a book for pleasure.

this VERY filling meal

contains NO FAT

and costs about:

$.25 for cereal,

$.26 for oranges,

mere pennies for applesauce,

about $.10 for raisins,

whispers for cinnamon,

$.02 for brown sugar,

and maybe $.10 for your coffee.

what's that add up to?

NOTHING!!

add the value of reading for pleasure

EVERY MORNING

and you're a damned fool if you don't!!

. . . . .

and then, get up off

your fat ass

and do something

the rest of the morning!!

. . . . .

then skip a meal.

pretty simple, if you ask ME!

[i wonder where the photos went?

i'll post them separately later, if they don't appear.

and if someone actually KNOWS

what the hell i'm not doing correctly,

please post a comment.

we take such contributions here at

the orphanage!]