we accept orphans of all stripes here

... and thus is part of my torture, my cross to bear. the coffee cup shown above was left on the front step of the orphanage over the weekend, apparently from a coffee lover who wished to remain anonymous and take advantage of iowa's safe haven law.

i promise to give this cup a good and loving home, and to fill it only with the finest of caffeine.

but i can't help but suspect it was left on my front step as some sort of insidious, sick joke, the love child of a demented, depraved soul.

but it's pretty cool, and it joins a growing collection of raccoon-related items abandoned on our steps. i particularly appreciate the authentic-appearing wool jersey-clad and helmetless rider astride a red fixed-gear bike, not at all unlike my old trek.

i don't quite understand the flag up the raccoon's ass, however.

here at the orphanage, we don't have ol' lonely, the maytag repairman; we have suzie, the samsung goddess of suds and softeners.

we are conducting a little experiment here at the orphanage: tired of some of the dirty phone calls we've been receiving lately, the orphans decided to resolve the matter by throwing the orphanage cell phone in with the laundry. rather than throwing into the dryer, we disassembled the major components of the phone, soaked the critical parts in alcohol [all we had was the ceremonial communion jose cuervo gold], and now we are letting it air dry overnight. if it doesn't work [it should--i found it on the internets], look forward to my upcoming "new cell phone review."