Friday, July 13, 2007

the truth about cats and dogs, and raccoons

it's been over fifty hours since i spilled over a "unit" of
my own type A+ out on the roads of dallas county, r-22, specifically.
. . . . .
i know, i've been the subject of much speculation, derision,
and humor, most in poor taste, and at my expense.
that's okay, because i know the truth,
and it shall set me free!
unlike this poor beagle.
i TOLD you that
i was attacked by a "flesh-eating central american raccoon."
well, this photo PROVES the presence of its cousin,
the "latin-american lust-crazed raccoon."
these creatures often travel great distances together,
in a rare "of nature" symbiotic relationship,
wherein the central american creature procures food,
while his latin cousin gets dinner dates.
i'm not sure WHAT was to be my ultimate fate wednesday afternoon.
neither seems particularly appealing.
but i DO know this:
the raccoon that took me down was pure evil.
some folks tend not to believe in the existence of pure evil.
but i'm alive today to tell you:
NEVER trust a raccoon.
NEVER try to predict what it will do,
or WHERE it will go next.
and when camping,
never rely on that soft, furry masked mammal to be your pillow.
they are nocturnal and primarily solitary-
-two things you do NOT want in a pillow.
the absence of BOTH those primary traits in
the critter that felled me like some doomed california redwood
tells me that this little raccoon was NOT some "accidental tourist."
pure evil is what drove this masked assailant
to attempt to remove me from r-22 as some discarded buffalo wing.
i am feeling better, thanks for asking,
after suffering what feels like several broken ribs,
and some nasty road rash on my shoulder and arm,
and arriving home a quart low from the head.
my left hip took a hard shot, and is nicely swollen and bruised.
but i managed to eke out a bronze medal
at the iowa games time trial tonight,
after deciding in the shower at 430 tonight
that a tough guy would quit bitching, shut out thet pain,
and do the damned 20 kilometer time trial.
so i did.
it hurt, but it felt so good to get my medal
at the awards presentation following,
wearing my coonskin hat.
next, squirrel, let's EAT one, okay?
we'll see tomorrow how i feel
as i do the iowa games mountain bike race in ames.

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