Thursday, July 12, 2007

yin and yang, even steven

" I WON!!"
i have been asked about my ride in the clear lake road race last sunday,
and now i'm ready to talk about it.
i learned a lot about some of my regular competitors,
and about myself.
the race is well-run, but it's too damned short.
the guys in my race [40+ and 50+] are for the most part all cat 1s and 2s,
and have been racing--and winning--races for years.
sunday's was 42 miles, mostly flat, and wind-swept.
fifteen folks, 3 miles neutral.
as soon as we're out of the neutral zone, i attack.
i wanna go fast, it's gonna be hot, humid and windy,
and i wanna make it hurt for everyone.
the pack got on my wheel, and then a couple miles later,
up the little rise at ventura,
i went again.
same result.
and again.
same result.
and again.
same result.
finally, heading south, i let bart roll off the front,
and he got a gap.
someone else chased him down, and i countered.
it was like this all the way south, and then west,
and then again south.
no one was willing to go with me, or counter me,
or to do anything that resembled racing.
the 5s caught us, for god's sake.
this was the most miserable, embarassing masters race i've ever been in.
i felt, and probably said, "you guys have no pride whatsoever."
and i meant it.
scott wall, tom eaton, randy jones, steve lauber.
these guys KNOW how to race.
how to ride hard.
sean got away, and scott wall said to bart,
"well, that's it. he'll stay away."
scott? what's happened to you?
not ONCE did he make any effort to give chase.
that sucks, man.
a couple guys pulled, and i pulled through,
thanking them for their efforts.
in the feed zone, i'd had it, and attacked.
lauber was pissed.
guess what? so was i.
so i pulled the rest of the race-
-22 miles-
-at from 43 to 55 k/h.
apparently i dropped a bunch of folks.
wouldn't know, since i didn't see ANYone until 200 meters to go.
tom jumped.
scott jumped.
lauber jumped.
randy jumped.
the cat 5s, who i passed at 500 meters to go,
they all jumped.
i am totally disgusted with these masters.
now, i realize, they did the smart thing,
"they let some strong guy pull them all the way around,
and then jumped at the sprint."
right.
i know three of you are on the same team,
and your guy was off the front.
but without my efforts, we were riding 30 k/h.
where's your pride?
where's your love of cycling?
is THIS why you train?
is THIS why you race?
you don't WANT to compete?
you WANT the fives to pass?
i feel really sorry for these guys.
seriously.
they're WAY older than me.
[bicycle racing etiquette tip: if you're gonna sit it for 22 miles,
tip your driver.]
...
...
...
...

i lost.
don't let their smiling little faces and striped coats fool you:
the new wild iowa raccoon is out for blood.
and they don't stop at that.
they are nature's lovable omnivore.
look at these teeth!

the raccoon that attacked me was not the gentle, north america variety.

NOOOO!

it was a vicious varient of the crab-eating raccoon (Procyonidae cancrivorus) of tropical central and south america, smuggled over thanks to nafta!

don't say i didn't warn you!

13 comments:

Dave Burman-somewhere near waterloo said...

Raccoon jumepd out of a tree? Or did ya try to head butt it?

Inquiring minds, ya know?

They (raccoons) can be vicious....some moreso than drivers who own "their lane"
and know how to e-mail the register

the mostly reverend said...

it was MY lane first!!
i think it was an IFD, an improvised furry device.
why do you suppose they wear masks?

Mistress Julie said...

what the hell happened to you?

tip your driver.... good one Rev.

Garrett said...

Was the racoon a republican? If not, I am willing to bet it's on the Regi$ters payroll.

Either way, I hope you are better soon!

What a crazy story.

Anonymous said...

So...race the Pro/1/2 race?? You are a 1 now...right...

Anonymous said...

golly, what a bummer. why didn't you drop everbody like you did at the state crit?

the mostly reverend said...

dear a nonny--
i intend to do more 1/2 races.
it's that damned iowa cup thing, and that was a race in the series.
apparently what was missing was more of the good old racers who know how to and enjoy racing.
but, really, do they HAVE to race like old guys?
guess i'll have to go to stupid week instead of ragby.
these are all valid points. but is there anyone out there to speak in defense of the way these old farts rode?

dave said...

Was Baxter standing on a ladder or did he climb one of the trees in your front yard when he took that picture?

the mostly reverend said...

dave was standing on the shoulders of that damned raccoon.
i TOLD you it was big!

john said...

Kim – I got to say that I really like your tough guy – let’s ride these bikes – attitude. My old training partner, Troy Meyeraan, and I used to say about our Tuesday/Thursday Championship group rides - that is not the low rent bastard who racks up the most stop ahead/city limits signs that wins the night – it is the guy who works the hardest. That got me thru a lot of nights riding with some fast young dudes who just wanted to sprint. What you lost in places and money – you gained in points, honor, self respect, our thanks and admiration. So, get over it, you whiney little bastard – this was a race. This wasn’t Tues/Thur – you got hosed in a race. Oh, and can I have a lead out in Pella?
You know, after the race, I found Paul D saying some of the same things about A9Y in the 1&2 race – ain’t it wonderful.
And, what about The Race of Truth???
And finally man, until you start wearing a Bike Tech Racing kit I’m going to do whatever I can to beat you …. Brother.
John

the mostly reverend said...

"...until you start wearing a Bike Tech Racing kit I’m going to do whatever I can to beat you …. Brother."
i DID notice, among other things, that the women on your team have better looking six-packs in their skinsuits than YOU. it's like you've got a four-pack! what's up?

and it's true, isn't it, about race-day priorities?
i just CAN'T sit in and let the lazies sit in.
but a cut of their winnings WOULD have helped. . . hell, even an occasional "thanks" as i was pulling them uphill into the wind, or "nice pull" as they jumped at the end!

but whatever, eh?

john said...

So, what's wrong with 4 - and I'm really glad that the women have six.
John
It was a "nice pull" I wish I would have been in the 50's race, but I just can't pass up a 60+ race when they have them - we need to support 60+ so you young guys have something to look forward to. It gets hard for a 58 year old racer to stay motivated when he is getting beat up in the 50's

Anonymous said...

That skull shot looks bloody painful. Hope you are better soon, and glad your helmet was safe.

Tim Madison