Saturday, December 01, 2007

jack and the magic bean bus

Chapter One – Breaking News
Jack Piper and his bike made their quiet escape from the orphanage, gliding smoothly over the roads, exactly like a cinder block wouldn’t.

Anyone who has ridden alone at night will understand how Jack felt, skimming along through the cool night air wrapped in an envelope of muffled stillness, moving quickly but without effort, flying around corners and parked cars without thinking about them while the moon followed high above him.
Jack’s shadow appeared to sprint past him as he rode beneath each streetlight. Over and over again, he would look back under his arm to see his shadow well behind but gaining on him as he approached a streetlight. Jack’s shadow would draw dead even just as he passed underneath the streetlight and then jump ahead of him by several bike lengths, only to fall behind again as he rode toward the next streetlight.
Jack trusted the instructions Sister Kim had given him. The only problem was that Jack couldn’t quite remember them except for a lot of disorganized notions about magic beans, mountains, and moonlight. The worst part was that Jack wasn’t sure exactly where he was anymore. After so many twists and turns on the dark streets, he had become thoroughly lost.
The street signs were nearly impossible to see, and Jack slowed to a stop at a corner while trying to read one of them. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of movement on a nearby front porch. As Jack watched in amazement, a big raccoon carrying what looked like a Des Moines Register newspaper delivery bag dropped what appeared to be a rolled up copy of the paper on the porch. The raccoon climbed down the steps and waddled down the street to the next house and the next house after that while dragging the delivery bag behind it, tossing a copy of the newspaper on each porch.
The Raccoon (Procyon Iotor) is a widespread, medium-sized, omnivorous mammal native to North America but not known for behaving like a nocturnal paperboy. Curiosity overcame Jack. He carefully hopped off of his bike and crept over to the nearest porch to see if indeed the raccoon was delivering newspapers in the middle of the night. The moment Jack picked up the paper on the porch, he heard a screech and turned just in time to get smacked in the stomach with the delivery bag being swung by the raccoon he had been watching just a few minutes before.
The hit with the delivery bag knocked the wind out of Jack. While he was doubled over, the raccoon jumped on him with such a wild thrashing of claws and teeth that Jack toppled off of the side of the porch and landed on his back in the driveway. The raccoon leaped from the porch and landed on Jack but suddenly froze as the headlights of a minivan swept up into the driveway.
The raccoon paused and stared at Jack’s face, which it could now see clearly in the headlights. For just an instant, a glimmer of recognition seemed to cross the raccoon’s eyes, and then it scurried away through the shrubs, leaving undelivered papers lying all about.
The headlights came closer and then stopped. The doors of the minivan opened, and as he was fading from consciousness Jack heard women’s voices saying things like, “Did you see that?” and, “Is he okay?” One of them said, “Let’s get him in the house.”
These were cougars (Puma Concolor), mammals native to North America, and Jack realized that he might be in even greater danger than ever before.

to be continued...

[a serial by little orphan dbax]


slicen'dice said...

Dear most Reverend... you have problems with raccoons, Rabbits have problems with me, Why does Jack get to have problems with the "Cougars" ??
Questioning my spirituality, luggs

the mostly reverend said...

that's just jack--
frankly, i think it's his karma, that despite his perennial quest for youth and beauty, it's the older babes that have the goods on him. his own private hell, as it were.

but i'm no expert, just a wise old clergyman who is very well-connected with "spiritual higher-ups" as it were. and yes, i realize that in most circles that WOULD make me a very highly respected expert on most topics, i'm just too modest to make that kind of admission.

so you'll never hear that kind of talk from my mouth. it's just not the right kind of thing to say about oneself, is it?

and regarding your personal spiritual issues, might i suggest you explore "zappadan" as the holiest of holy days is nigh.
learn more about this exciting holy alternative by reading this:

your revived spiritual worth will thank you.

good luck, my son.

Bart said...

A fucking men, brother!

slincn'dice said...

The most reverend,
I am beginning to see your wisdom; I had been a bit confused with this “Zappadan” celebration as I had first heard of his philosophy at the same time many other pretenders had appeared. To name these charlatans, Sister Mary Elephant –who went “up in smoke”, a holy song “smoke on the water” a gentleman know as the “gonzo” -now passed away- but highly revered in Las Vegas.These and many other allusions’ of the faith had appeared during the time of my living the idea of “the burning bush” as another local philosopher (and blogger with tat’s) has reefer’d to.
I had forgotten the great “Z” and his references of the “Valley” as so many had mimicked his wisdom with “valley of the dolls” “walking through the valley of death” and the latter “valley girls” not to mention “Valley Spirit”.
With your guidance I will explore this celebration of Zappadan and maybe also find the “cougar” that our faithful Jack has yet to fondle.
Luv , luggs

the mostly reverend said...

now that you're on the right track, share your insight with the other little lost souls at the shop.
it's the least you can do.
and as always, thanks for reading and commenting.
and be careful with the ice.

Anonymous said...

The rider vs shadow segment transported me.

I can wait to see what happens next!