Thursday, December 27, 2007

the obstacle: a beautiful day in the neighborhood

the scene: i'm leaving the orphanage the day after christmas to replace the dog leash that was stolen during a visit to the dog park in west des moines with my three dogs. [the thief took his/her choice of my three leashes.]
as i prepare to back out the the drive, i notice that a car has been sitting three houses down--in the street--apparently stranded. its flashers were dimly flashing. as i slowly approached [the road was slightly narrowed because of recent snowfall] i noticed that her driver-side window was halfway down. i stopped alongside the car, and asked the woman if she needed help.
she indicated someone was enrout to help.
before i could finish this exchange, a rav4 with colorado plates [oh, and a bike rack on top] was on my ass--HONKING repeatedly.
deciding to demonstrate ownership of the street in front of my house, i slowly began to pull away from the disabled car.
before i was two car lengths away, the rav4 shot through the gap between it and my car, swerving wildly around me, slowing just enough for me to see the driver's contorted face as he flipped me off.
the HONKING had continued unabated.
i quickly got on the rav4's rear bumper, and returned the bird. at the stop sign at university, i saw the brake lights move into reverse and then brake mode.
he had parked.
i got out, walked up, and this is what ensued.
he: FUCK YOU! JUST FUCK YOU.
me: um, what's the problem?
he: FUCK YOU! YOU'RE A FUCKING OBSTACLE!
me: um, she was broken down. i stopped to see if she needed help.
he: FUCK YOU! YOU'RE A FUCKING OBSTACLE!
me: i LIVE on this street.
he: I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. JUST FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU!!

me: dude, what's your problem?
he: FUCK you. YOU are; you're an obstacle. FUCK you.
me: are you serious? she was having trouble; her car was broken down. i was trying to help her.
he [continues while i talk to him]: FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU.
me: sir, you've gotta relax.
he: YOU OBSTACLE. GET OUT OF THE FUCKING ROAD. YOU FUCKING OBSTACLE. FUCK YOU.
me [looking into rav4, to woman, disappearing into passenger-side front seat and floor]: is he with you? he's a WINNER.
he: FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING OBSTACLE.
me: um, YOU stopped and put your little toy car into park, remember?
he: FUCK YOU!
me [returning to car]: what an asshole.

do any of these scenes look familiar?
we are so blessed around here not to be out-numbered by small-brained fleshy men from colorado driving little green toy cars, rav4s, with empty bike racks on top.




this did not take place yesterday in front of my house on 48th street as i attempted to inquire whether a motorist in a broken down car needed assistance.

thank goodness.

9 comments:

Neve_r_est said...

Some people take thier lives a bit too seriously. Whats the rush, the end will come soon enough.

DG

Andy said...

What about little blue cars, with racks, from Iowa, living in Colorado? Hey at least he didn't have a screwdriver or ice scrapper handy.

S.Fuller said...

Hmm. Reverend, you may want to remember those words whenever we go riding together sometime. You'll probably want to use them to get my slow ass out of your way. :)

Rule #1. Assume that the police will not give you the benefit of the doubt if you are an out of state driver. Don't make a scene and be really polite.

Squirrel said...

WTF!! Where'd he fucking go after he parked?? The Waveland Tap:)

Peace

the mostly reverend said...

he went thataway! east very quickly, dude.

D.P. said...

It'd been a better story if it'd a been a
Honda Odyssey. If he headed east he must have been headed towards Ithica.

the mostly reverend said...

i've ALSO been told it would have been a better story if:
1--i had kicked his door in;
2--i had kicked the shit out of him;
3--it had REALLY been kelly ruddick giving me shit;
4--it was pete or donny and they got out and beat the living shit out of me;
5--it was the second or third coming of jesus, and one or the other of us changed his views. i've been told either version would be better;
6--his wife looked at me as her savior, and she fled this tyrant, hopped in my car, and we drove away and lived happily ever after, because she was terribly wealthy and a wonderful bike racer who loves big dogs and messy houses.

i think this would be a much better version.
but i can see how it would be better with a honda, for sure.

Anonymous said...

I am particularly fond of #4 and #5 both would make for great reading.

the mostly reverend said...

hey, nony, i'll work on those;
look under "science fiction."